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| Dip: Makes you feel like you're on a fishing trip with a big-breasted Scandinavian woman. |
Dipping tobacco goes by many names.
1. Packing bombs
2. Packing a lip
3. Packing horseshoes
4. Snuff
5. Dirt
6. Riding the dirty train
7. Pinching the mint Goddess
8. Dap
9. Dappers
10. Dapper-do
All of these phrases and terms refer to one thing. Grabbing a finger full of shredded, flavored tobacco and putting it in your bottom lip. If you get sores or a legitimate cancer scare, the top lip is acceptable. (Author's Note: Packing a top lip is highly disgusting and requires skill and courage)
When I pinch some dip, an immediate rush of pleasure floods my veins. The sweet nicotine buzz can be felt almost immediately. My edginess fades. My mood increases. All the problems in the world are inconsequential. The room can be on fire around me, and I wouldn't bat an eye. The tobacco takes hold, and does not let go. It is important to note that the first time you dip tobacco, you might get dizzy. You might even throw up. Hang in there, brave one! All pleasure requires a certain amount of pain!
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| Class, Class, Class! |
When dipping, certain materials are an absolute necessity. Firstly, since spitting and dip goes hand in hand, an empty bottle is a must. Something with a screw on cap is a plus, to avoid unfortunate spillage. Nothing ruins your mood or a carpet like an overturned half-liter of brown tobacco saliva. Secondly, any seasoned dipper will tell you that sports are a vital component to dipping. It need not be baseball, but any sport seems maximize the release of nicotine from the dip, thus increasing the maximum minty pleasure of the experience.
Dip comes in a variety of flavors. Here are a few of the most popular.
1. Grape. This is a sweet tobacco with a fruity flavor. Great for beginners!
2. Mint. The classic, and my personal favorite. Smooth, delicious, with fresh minty notes and a nostril clearing bite.
3. Wintergreen. Similar to mint, but with a woodsy nose. Immediately takes the dipper to a snowy, Yukon timber paradise.
4. Straight. Pretty self-explanatory. No flavor, besides that of strong, powerful tobacco. This is recommended for intermediate to expert dippers only. The simple smell of straight tobacco can cause nausea in lesser men.
Dip comes in two different forms, Long Cut or Fine Cut.
Long Cut: Shredded strips of pure ecstasy. Easy to handle, malleable, and holds form in the lip. Little clean-up is require after removal.
Fine Cut: Diced/Chopped tobacco that is primarily harvested on the innermost ring of Hell. Messy to pack, moves in the mouth, and creates an utter shit-storm upon removal. The mouth must be flushed with water for around 15 minutes after use, but finding a science-lab Chemical Shower can speed up the process. I would not recommend it to child-molesters, let alone someone seriously and thoughtfully considering taking on this glorious habit.
There are countless brands of dip, each catering to a different demographic. Here are some of the more popular brands, along with their pricing.
1. Skoal: The gentleman's dip. Great for college students, professionals, and others trying to look as classy as possible with a jutting mouth of tobacco. $$$$
2. Grizzly: A runner-up to Skoal, only not as superior in quality. Excellent for the casual dipper or first-timer, or those on a budget. $$$
3. Timberwolf: The poor man's dip. It comes in a cheap plastic tin, not metal and flashy like Skoal or the Grizz. Only use this in emergency situations, i.e. zombie apocalypse or plane crash. $$
4. Kayak : This brand is not dip. It is comprised of 60% filler, surely lint or dust. DO NOT DIP. Known to cause cancer after two to three uses.
Dip is not a safe alternative to cigarettes, but it certainly more refreshing and better for the lungs. The danger lies in mouth cancer. Dip too much and you might lose your jaw. Is it worth the risk? Certainly, as everyone knows the jaw is the fifth most important facial feature.
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| Undateable? Please, women love a dirty mouth! |
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