How To Forge a Press Pass

by Jim Kopetz

Lessons in journalism.

It's pretty easy to forge a press pass. Anderson Cooper made a career out of it and so can you!

Unfortunately I can't get into the details, but a press pass is easily forged and if you care about politics, you must have a pass. Hard to come by but easy to mimic.

Oliver North has become a figure of lore in the political arena, much like Lee Atwater before him. Getting a face to face meeting is nearly impossible unless you work for Fox News or some conservative think tank. And that was the in.

The Institute for Conservative studies, co-funded by the Young America's Foundation and the James Madison Institute offered an opportunity. Their leaflet was easily obtained and after laminating an AP press pass, I knew I was in.

Mr. North was both tacit and deceitful. His aura was that of a drug mule and he kept referring to me as Tim throughout our conversation. No matter how many times I corrected him, he signed his book over to me with the name Tim. That was when things began to get weird.

He excused himself to the bathroom and returned to the table with the eyes of a demon. His coffee had gone cold but he chugged it with a motivation I haven't seen since Joey Chestnut. He again excused himself and half an hour later came out squealing like a honey badger in heat. His mind was beginning to go. He stuck a spoon to his nose and made me guess at who he was impersonating. I was fascinated.

But he could hold his own, unlike most in politics. His thirst matched mine glass for glass. A true American; a sociopath.

After three hours of drinking Wild Turkey 101 straight from the bottle he had to leave. "There are wars and there are battles, and right now I must make sure the latter becomes the former. Go fuck yourself." And with that he was gone.

No goodbye for Tim.

This is the prelude to the end of the world.