If a giant mass of clouds, wind, and rain was making a slow approach towards my home and family with an insatiable blood-lust, I might think of a more fitting name than "Sandy."
We have to stop giving hurricanes these benign human names. We should start naming hurricanes after current and former enemies of the state.
Hurricanes kill people and destroy things, and are alarming forces of nature. Hurricanes are wind and rain that end lives. They are the pure embodiment of natural destruction.
Hurricanes don't perform people tasks. They don't fight with their siblings. They don't lie to their parents. They don't fall in and out of love with other storm systems. They lack humanity, but hey, let's give the thing a totally human name.
Neat, right?
Wrong! There is nothing neat about being crushed to death under a collapsed building. There is nothing neat about drowning, suffocation, impalement, or electrocution.
Furthermore, giving hurricanes a people name automatically creates a negative association. Ever meet a Katrina? I did, once. I said hi, but in my mind I was thinking, fuck off you..you that flipped over my great-aunt's trailer in Florida. You that destroyed New Orleans.
Instead of Hurricane Sandy, it should be Hurricane Saddam. This fits because Saddam was a murderous lunatic, and the association with that name is already cemented. Sandy? Sandy, please. Sandy is a librarian's name or something you get when visiting the beach.
Hurricane Saddam has killed 36 people so far. You see son, that's why we invaded.
Problem solved.
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