Losing My Religion

Losing my religion.

I remember the very day I lost my faith in a supreme deity. It was a cold February morning, and I had gotten up, as I had every morning, for the past year, to the scream of a cheap alarm clock. Nerves now armed with adrenaline, I react with a fierce blow to this device, and send it crashing to the floor.

As I prepare myself for the day, my nervous system is already damaged by such a crude assault.This is no way to arise from the only natural peace we know...sleep!
I dress, eat a minimal breakfast, and proceed to a job that I do not like. An already deadly combination of events.
I am very young, and for the first time, living away from home. I am living in Marblehead, Mass. among an elite group of snobs. I am sickened by their apparent class division, and want to vomit on
the next mink coat that comes through the door.
I am working at the Marblehead Cafe. On this February morning as I began to prepare meals, I felt very strange, and a sudden detachment from myself. The walls took on a life of their own as they inhaled and exhaled. My heart raced, as my mind chased each beat. When I went to speak, there was verbal rapid fire instead. My world had come under attack!
I was mentally split in two, as I stood there alone. Me as I once was, and me now...girl broken! This attack took me down for years! It was the abuse through out my childhood that had finally caught up with my now fragile psyche on that cold February day. And there was no god there to pick up the pieces of me that once was!  That day to my utter disappointment, I knew there no longer existed a god!!!!!