Do you think the basic human dignity and the comfort of those
around you should be considered a distant second priority to your own peace of
mind? Have you ever been so afraid that you poked a grown man in the eye in
order to run away when asked for directions that one time when I was fifteen? Any recollection of being consumed
by a fear for home and country, that you drove your car at a painfully slow
crawl behind some suspicious walking fiend for twenty minutes, before
“cleverly” parking around a corner in order to watch this monster from a safe
and clandestine distance? Does it seem like a totally legitimate course of
action to loudly berate strangers for things you believe they’ve done in the past, despite their firsthand account to the contrary? Of course they would lie, they're probably criminals! If
you can feel fear more vividly than you can see colors, congratulations. You
qualify for this new and exciting, incredibly exclusive club. Welcome to
E.X.I.L.E. (Entitled Xenophobic Isolationist Law Enthusiasts)
The requirements are simple all you have to do is remember to be belligerent
to those who you perceive as a threat or belonging to any group with
differing ideals, give up hours of your day to alienate them wherever they may
be, and be willing to blatantly disrespect and if possible, humiliate anyone who
“looks out of place” or disagrees with the treatment you've decided they deserve. In your
membership package you’ll receive a gun warmer, decoder ring, acrylic neighborhood watch badge,
binoculars, a list of the private cell phone numbers of participating local
police officers, and of course, your very own signature pair of E.X.I.L.E. brand
tinted sun glasses.
Together we can perform important socially responsible community work. Only we stop people who have never stated the intention of taking
away our guns from taking our guns away. Guns are the last line of defense between us and THEM. We can also keep the various unsavory
elements out of our neighborhoods and schools, so that we can educate the youth
with our own cultural beliefs which THEY hate as much as our freedom and
Christmas. The children need to be taught how to argue in a condescending and accusatory manner, follow minorities through
their neighborhood and shops, and the proper way to enact justice...At E.X.I.L.E, we advocate accusing
someone of a crime prior to harming them or having the authorities harm them,
that way you won’t be held responsible for anything you do to them. Because really, if they were innocent you wouldn't have singled them out for monitoring in the first place...This is an example of how logic works.
Thank you for your considering E.X.I.L.E., now get off of my lawn and
never contact me again.
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