Just Kids: Part III

by Jim Kopetz

I write this in a moment of extreme despair.

Just Kids: Part I
Just Kids: Part II

The "Just Kids" articles started as a fun little piece on the absurdity of youth but by Part II things began to take a turn to the dour. Here we go savage. Teens across the country are abusing hand-sanitizers, getting wasted on that innocent bottle of Purell you keep by the sink. College students are getting drunk by soaking tampons in vodka and inserting them in one of the two optional orifices. How long until they start mixing the two, or worse. Two teens with vodka-soaked tampon strings dangling from anus to anus, using Purell both as a lubricant and as a mixer. What the fuck is happening.

What happened to stealing from the parents' liquor cabinet? Topping it off with a bit of tap water. Snagging a beer a day and building up a stash worthy of youthful drunkenness. What happened to buying cartridges of nitrous oxide from the local headshop or possibly the kitchen store down the main road? What happened to grass? What happened to speed? What happened to downing a bottle of Nyquil and four Advil PMs and waiting for the demons to appear? What happened to the innocence of getting high? What happened to our youth? Is there no shame?

What happened to fake I.D.'s? What happened to paying $30 for a 30-pack? What happened to the cheap dimebag? And why Purell? Why not rubbing alcohol? What about paint varnish? Huffing lemon-scented wood cleaner until the weight of youthful existence bore itself upon your festered back. Where were you when the sun went down? Where were you when our youth hung themselves? This is the prelude to the end of the world.